Interview With The General

Hello and welcome folks to the Suspended Animation "Interview of the Month" section of our publication. I am joined here today by none other than the legendary Kryptonian, Dru-Zod, or as he is more commonly known, General Zod........

Suspended Animation: Good afternoon, General-- Or may I call you Dru?

General Zod: You may not.

SA: Ok, now that that's out of the way....

GZ: This "interview" as you call it....who will be privy to it?

SA: Uh, well, with the worldwide distribution of our publication, pretty much the whole


GZ: Ah, yes......planet Earth.

SA: Yes, General, planet Earth (under my breath--not Houston)

GZ: You may continue.

SA: Thank you General. May I ask what your goals or aspirations are during your visit

here on Earth?

GZ: I would be remiss to refer to my presence on this planet as a "visit". My home planet, Krypton, as you may know, self-destructed many decades ago. I have chosen Earth as my new home for several reasons....

Firstly, the radiation of your yellow sun grants me powers far beyond reason.

Second, the relative fragility of the so-called humans of this planet to my own enhanced abilities allows me to do what it is I was born to rule.

And finally, simple revenge....Revenge for being imprisoned in the Phantom Zone....

SA: Please allow me to stop you for a moment for those unaware of what a "Phantom Zone" is.....

GZ: Do not interrupt!!!

SA: I apologize, General, please continue......

GZ: The Phantom Zone is an eternal prison of suspended animation.......

SA: Suspended Animation?!?! That's the name of our......

GZ: I said do NOT interrupt!!!

SA: Again, I apologize, General... My excitement got the better of me.

GZ: Pray it doesn't again..... Now, while held captive in the Phantom Zone, I was forced to endure a state of perpetual staticity......I other words, adrift about the universe without form or function, never again, simply existing....

SA: And you were sentenced to the Phantom Zone, why?

GZ: I have no comment on that.....Suffice to say, I was unjustly locked away

for my undying devotion to my planet. And now, I seek revenge for my imprisonment on the son of my jailer, Jor-El.....

SA: And that would be?

GZ: His son, Kal-El, or as he is referred to on the planet, "Superman"...... I will bring him to his knees and crunch him!!!

SA: Fascinating. Which brings me to my next question: Do you, General, in your infinite wisdom, see the irony in seeking revenge on the "House of El"?

GZ: I do not believe I understand your question......

SA: Well , as you said, Jor-El, a fellow Kryptonian, the man responsible for your false imprisonment in the Phantom Zone.......

GZ: Yes.....

SA: It would be safe to assume that he perished in the destruction of your planet?

GZ: Yes, that is correct.

SA: So, by that logic, it could be said that Jor-El is respnsible for your every breath.....

Saving you from the fate of annihilation suffered by every Kryptonian on the planet?

GZ: Nothing can forgive being falsely imprisoned and forgotten for decades in that infernal place.....

SA: And along those same lines, do you feel any sense of gratitude to his son, Kal-El, or "Superman", for freeing you from that very same prison by destroying the Phantom Zone while disposing of an atomic weapon? It would seem to me that you, in some regard, owe your life to the House of El.....General?

GZ: Imbecile!!! You ask these foolish questions knowing I will kill you for doing so...... This interview is OVER!!!!

SA: There you have it folks....It seems I may not be long for this Earth (or Houston lol)

I leave you with this: In the immortal words of Kevin Costner, "The General is a fucking lunatic!"

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